Dating S.O.S

“You spend too much”
“You can’t handle our investments!”
“You spend too much on take-out!”
….
….
…
And on the fight goes. Money and Sex are the two issues that breaks up most couples. One would think that in most cases, you will know fairly early on if you are sexually compatible. Finding out whether you are financially compatible with the person you are dating, may be a bit more challenging. We often don’t know how much someone makes until an advanced stage of the relationship. Even spending patterns cannot reliably hint at your date’s purchasing-power; some people spend beyond their means and may walk around with huge debts in the pockets of their hand-made, Egyptian cotton suits.

Couples who are going through a money slump often resort to either fighting unproductively, or ignoring the issue all together. Because money is such a deal-breaker in life and especially in relationships, both strategies are detrimental for couples. Instead of fighting your spouse or significant other, try setting up a financial planning session as a way of spending time together.

Get involved with your financial relationship
By both sitting down together and writing up a financial statement, you will get a clear idea of what you own, and what you owe. The health of your romantic relationships strongly depends on how healthy your financial relationship is, so sit down with all your bank statements and bills, and make an overview.

Getting your financial relationships in order
It takes motivation from both parties to amicably set a reasonable budget, and stick to it. This is one step towards a better financial relationship. The next step is to see where you can minimize costs, so you keep more money left over for fun stuff (like dating!). Consider refinancing your home, a car refinance and consolidated loans for outstanding bills. Open a line of credit to pay off your high interest credit cards and make sure you both contribute to your savings account.

Less fighting, more dating
If you are both clear on what you have, and how much you can spend, you can actually clear the air and have some fun together. Include money for dates in your budget, and be sure to budget for those “frivolous” items you feel your spouse is spending “too much” on. Whether he or she has a love of take-out coffee or expensive handbags, if you can agree on a set amount that is reasonable to spend on treats, then it can completely eliminate the fighting.

If you are neck-deep in debts, then treats may have to be taken off the table entirely for a while. You won’t be able to sort out your financial relationship unless you both agree and stick to a plan. One person putting in all the effort, and the other guzzling daily $6 coffees will only create resentment and further relationship and financial problems.