Dating S.O.S

Part of my intention to make the coming 12 months the best of my life is to clean up old issues. I have been dealing with both a current major professional challenge, as well as a recent very personal problem. When everything happens at once, they can sometimes become a little bit too much to bear. As a consequence, I chose to take the brave step to confide in two close friends regarding a difficult decision I have made recently. Unfortunately I must have expressed myself exceptionally poorly because one friend completely misunderstood my intentions. My other friend completely misjudged the situation I was referring to. In short: both of them made me feel awful and more alone than I felt before. Now, not only was I fighting to deal with these two situations, I also felt like I had to fight to keep their friendship.

Being trapped in this situation made me realize something valuable: If someone confides in me I will try my best not to judge, because like I did not give either 100% of the details I can expect other people will do the same. Nevertheless, although both knew they were not fully aware of the situation, neither hesitated to judge and lecture.

Here is a thought though: anyone going through a difficult time is not looking to be lectured. Advice is always appreciated (i.e. advice on time management for my current professional issue is welcome), but being made to feel like a “bad person” is not helpful. It is much like taking one step forward (confiding in someone and trusting their input) and three steps back (feeling worse about the situation - and yourself - than you did before).

I don’t think I have ever been quick to judge anyone, but being hurt two days in a row has taught me to really never judge a book by its cover: no matter how much is revealed in the summary, there is a whole story inside with many plots and twists. Unless you really delve in completely, you will never know what it is like to walk in the protagonist’s shoes.

On the bright side though: sometimes understanding and compassion comes from the most unexpected places. The world could be a better place if everyone would reserve judgment for judgment day.