Dating S.O.S

I may be in self-created romantic hell, or bliss. Which one of the two is true depends on how you look at things, and it strongly depends on my mood. After years of Sex-and-the-City indoctrination I’ve morphed into a schizophrenic hybrid between the characters on the show; most strongly Samantha and Charlotte. Being both adventurous, but deep down inside looking for that stable prince-charming to sweep me off my feet and make me happy.

Although when I last started “going out” with someone, I told him I did not want a serious relationship and couldn’t commit I now feel like Samantha’s character in Sex and the City. In the particular episode she finds out she doesn’t want to be “anyone special” as much as she didn’t really want to be labeled a “girlfriend”. Just like people can “make love” without saying the L-word to each other, and people who gush love over dinner do the opposite of love-making afterwards, relationships and what defines a relationship is getting more and more challenging. Even though I said I didn’t want a serious relationship, I now realize that getting that need met did not actually make me any happier. Once some needs are met, I think we realize we didn’t really need them in the first place.

Although a person who doesn’t love me makes the most romantic gestures I’ve ever experienced, I’ve been with someone who loved me dearly and gave up on romance all-together. It’s these inconsistencies in life and diversities among partners that make love so confusing: there is no set formula, there is no set answer to the love-question.

I’ve given up on answering questions; I am trying to enjoy the journey, although once in a while I do get scared of being “no-one special”. Although I’m not ready for a ring, it doesn’t mean I want to be casually flung from one love note to the other.