Dating S.O.S

Polyamory is not the same thing as polygamy! Polyamory involves being in love with, and/or romantically involved with more than one person at a time. This could mean you are dating two men, two women, a man and a woman… the possibilities are endless. It may mean you are dating more than one person, or you may be living with more than one person and romantically involved with each one.

In contrast, polygamy involves a man marrying multiple women. Polyamory is therefore extremely unrestricted as a relationship form, and the polyamorists might actually be on to something. They have conferences now where they discuss all issues related to polyamory (which makes it clear that this relationship form too is not exclusively rozy), and one of the issues brought forth in defence of polyamory is the fact that we can never find the perfect person. While your partner and you may share a love of theatre, he may have your music tastes. Some monogamists just accept the fact that there are and will be differences, and make the best of it. Others cheat, and yet others split up or stay single until they do find that perfect person God popped out of a mold especially for them.

Polyamorists claim that you can have it all, just not from one person. They suggest keeping the theater-loving boyfriend, and get an extra one who will take you to your next rave. Of course the whole scoop of the polyamorous matter is that the first boyfriend agrees, and likely has additional relationships himself.

An interesting thing is the polyamorous cohabitation: this can take many shapes but an article I recently read described a couple that started dating (and living with) another woman. So, the relationship consists of one man and two women. However, the original couple share a bedroom, while the second woman has her own room and alternates between being with one and then the other person.

It is an interesting concept, and certainly beats cheating or leaving your spouse. However, you gotta be one strong cookie to tell yourself you do not need to be jealous. Perhaps it takes that poly gene to agree that while you may not get everything you want from one person, you are also not going to leave the first for another. Perhaps that is the classic monogamous fear that completely contradicts what polyamory stands for: they do not leave one person for the other, they just have both.

Selfish, or tremendously clever?