Dating S.O.S

Couples who have not lived together before getting married, and who did not ask the right questions before saying “I do”, could be in for some rude surprises. Sometimes, couples make assumptions about the roles each partner plays in the marriage, without discussing these assumptions before getting married.

It is crucial to sit down and spend some time with your partner Identifying Roles in Relationships, and what they mean to you. Otherwise, you may end up with a wife who hates to cook, while you expect dinner on the table at seven every night.

Even before getting engaged, couples should discuss what they expect from marriage.

What do you expect from your future spouse?
Discuss what your expectations are from your spouse in terms of house work, paying bills (who pays what and how much), joint vs. separate bank accounts and investments. Who cooks, who cleans, and when. Are there other expectations if there are children? Some women may not want to stay home with the kids, while some men believe that would be best for the family.

Discussing these marital issues in advance, before tying the knot, will help you get over and iron out any problems that could come up in your marriage. If your ideas are radically different, you can start trying to compromise before you are facing the problem head on.

Why it helps
Discussing potential problems before marriage you are talking about the issues before they come up. Thus, you are discussing marital problems in a relaxed and non-stressful atmosphere where there is no urgency to resolve the problem. If you do not do this, and meet the problem head on as it arises, the stress of the actual problem can further strain the marriage because you are dealing with a time constraint to come to a resolution for the marital problem.