Dating S.O.S

When you were a kid, perhaps you’d do as I did: sit in the grass with a flower, pulling off the petals while reciting “he loves me, he loves me not”. Anyone who has gone through a bad breakup or divorce can also attest to how close love and not-loving (or hate!) lie to each other.

Sometimes even within a relationship, he or she may do or say something that make you think “I hate you”, and mean it. A few moments later that same person may do something so endearing that the moment of furious hate is over. Hate is really just as passionate, or even more passionate, than love. As a result, it is really not surprising it is so easy to jump from one sentiment to the other. Sometimes within seconds.

Keeping what really matters in perspective, and perhaps making some small changes in your attitude can save you a lot of dislike, and hate. You may feel it less for your significant other, and you will also elicit the same far less in the person who really does love you.

If you do feel a rage of hate for something that was said or done, don’t lash out accordingly. Instead, try to calm down a little and tell your little devil what - and why - bothers you enough to think the H-word. You may not want to actually use the word “hate” with the person you are dating or married to. However, you will need to make him or her understand so you can keep the little devil on your shoulder at bay.

Hate can also develop over time. Almost without you noticing you will let your loved-one get away with little (or major) things that cause irritation or friction. As they compound over time, and your loved-one has no clue he is doing something wrong, you will eventually snap. While at first you thought of an annoying habit or comment as “silly and annoying”, the first thought that comes to mind years later is “I hate you”. At this point you’ve gone too far. It’s time to sit him down, take responsibility for not bringing it up earlier and confessing it bugs you.

Giving up a little hate frees up time for so much more love!