Saving together for a common goal (house! cottage! car!) can be quite exciting! Macleans reports in an article this month that couples who save $1000 per month from the age of 19 to 26, and then do not save another penny actually have more money at age 65 than couples who start saving $1000 a month for 40 years, starting in their thirties.

Compounding is pretty powerful, and if your significant other has a financial habit that seems to be spinning out of control (e.g. three gourmet coffees a day, at $4 each?), add up how much this is costing him or her per month, per year and over the course of 25 years! Surely the last number will be impressive, and for sure it would amount to a significant down payment on that cottage!

Think of how much saving can compound, and then consider how much faster debt compounds! Debts always run at higher interest rates than you could ever get for your savings, so it pays to plan your (joint) finances and get debt-free first.

“You spend too much”
“You can’t handle our investments!”
“You spend too much on take-out!”
….
….
…
And on the fight goes. Money and Sex are the two issues that breaks up most couples. One would think that in most cases, you will know fairly early on if you are sexually compatible. Finding out whether you are financially compatible with the person you are dating, may be a bit more challenging. We often don’t know how much someone makes until an advanced stage of the relationship. Even spending patterns cannot reliably hint at your date’s purchasing-power; some people spend beyond their means and may walk around with huge debts in the pockets of their hand-made, Egyptian cotton suits.

Couples who are going through a money slump often resort to either fighting unproductively, or ignoring the issue all together. Because money is such a deal-breaker in life and especially in relationships, both strategies are detrimental for couples. Instead of fighting your spouse or significant other, try setting up a financial planning session as a way of spending time together.

Get involved with your financial relationship
By both sitting down together and writing up a financial statement, you will get a clear idea of what you own, and what you owe. The health of your romantic relationships strongly depends on how healthy your financial relationship is, so sit down with all your bank statements and bills, and make an overview.

Getting your financial relationships in order
It takes motivation from both parties to amicably set a reasonable budget, and stick to it. This is one step towards a better financial relationship. The next step is to see where you can minimize costs, so you keep more money left over for fun stuff (like dating!). Consider refinancing your home, a car refinance and consolidated loans for outstanding bills. Open a line of credit to pay off your high interest credit cards and make sure you both contribute to your savings account.

Less fighting, more dating
If you are both clear on what you have, and how much you can spend, you can actually clear the air and have some fun together. Include money for dates in your budget, and be sure to budget for those “frivolous” items you feel your spouse is spending “too much” on. Whether he or she has a love of take-out coffee or expensive handbags, if you can agree on a set amount that is reasonable to spend on treats, then it can completely eliminate the fighting.

If you are neck-deep in debts, then treats may have to be taken off the table entirely for a while. You won’t be able to sort out your financial relationship unless you both agree and stick to a plan. One person putting in all the effort, and the other guzzling daily $6 coffees will only create resentment and further relationship and financial problems.

A reader emailed me today in reaction to our post about a new show looking for couples in debt. A common problem is one partner actually being the spender, while the other nervously sits by the sidelines wringing his or her hands.

The new sub-prime mortgage mess has left many couples not only in great financial distress, it has left many without a house to live in and likely a slew of relationship problems. Who is to blame for mortgages and other loans you really couldn’t afford? Your wife or husband, or should we blame the banks?

It really does not matter at all who is to blame: most couples spend all their energy and time focusing on who’s fault it is they are officially have bad credit loans. Instead, they should focus on climbing out of it, together. Even if you want to blame the bank for approving you for loans you could not afford (and the bank should know best, right?), it doesn’t help you one bit. Although you may think they got you into it, they will not bail you out!

There are services out there that will help you get back on track financially, and this can put your mind to rest and save relationships (splitting up is actually more expensive than staying together, so keep that in mind as you are throwing the blame-ball around).

Badcreditoffers.com is one of these services that can help couples, and singles alike, navigate their financial distress and come out winners. Your money troubles may not go away overnight, but alone you will certainly never get there! Stay strong, stay together, and get richer as a result.