Are we still dating?
“It’s a date!” I said it perhaps with too much excitement. My boyfriend looked at me a bit puzzled. It turns out, he didn’t think we were still dating.
The joys of an international relationship…. right? I look at it from a very Canadian perspective and he is a Brit. Turns out that in the UK you are only dating for a few weeks, and after you pass some magical line you are not dating. You are “going out”. After that comes partnership, living together, and/or engagement and marriage. I look at it more from the perspective that we are always still dating, or rather we should be.
Why should you look at it as dating?
Remember your first date? Remember being nervous, excited, and putting in that little bit of extra effort getting ready?
Well…. do you still feel that way after 5 months, 5 years….? No, probably not. And that is a good thing. But equally you need to remember that while you may no longer shave your legs for the occasion, you should keep putting effort into your relationships. Looking at an evening out with your partner as a ‘date’ can help with the mindset of effort. This should be true for both sides of the partnership by the way. It’s not all about the woman putting on the high heels and cultivating blisters and the man showing up in a paint-smeared t-shirt and a 3 day beard (unless you are into a 3 day beard, then it’s cool).
As relationships go on I think we dress up to go out with friends, to see other people and we put in effort to impress the world. When actually the person we should be impressing is living with us. The challenge there is that there is always some tension between feeling comfortable in your own home and around your best friend, and maintaining some level of distance to create that situation where you are both still putting in the effort for each other.
I’m curious, would you still call it “going on a date” when you are going out with your partner after some length of time, or do you call it something else (or anything at all)? Looking forward to seeing your comments!
No clue what the right way to call it is, but I like how you created a mental link between calling it a date with keeping it fresh. I think that can actually be quite valuable. It creates a different mindset.
I’m from Sweden and we don’t call it going on a date. I think when you are with someone you are just with them, and of course you still need to try and put in effort when you are at home, and when you go out. but I would probably not call it a date.
maybe I am weird but I call it going on a date too.